Azure
by Malta Kano
Summary: [Non-Yaoi][RuHaru] For he is a handsome faced doll uncapable of loving anyone else but himself, will one person be able to change that fact? Is Haruko willing to know who Kaede Rukawa really is, just for the sake of him loving her back?
1. Carnation

**Azure: Carnation**

**Rating:** PG-13

**Author's Notes: **Hello there! I finally gathered enough courage to write a RuHaru fanfiction! Yayness! I really adore this rare and unappreciated pairing so please, if you're going to read this, make sure you leave a review. I will throw myself at your mercy and become your personal slave! [I'm kidding]  Joking aside, I really hope you do enjoy this fanfic, and I certainly advise the people who do not enjoy this piece not to **FLAME **and **ROAST **me alive.

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**Haruko's**** POV**

That day, June 23rd, I was regretting my decisions. I had told Rukawa Kaede how I felt. I poured out my heart under the cherry blossom tree on which we stood. I expected too much, all he did was scratch his head and lean in closer, his face still emotionless.

"I don't understand."

I frowned, tilting my head down, hiding the tears. Rukawa pretended he didn't understand but he did. His tone was sarcastic and mocking. I grind my teeth and clench my fists. And like any girl, I cry. I sob. I cry.

But won't expect him to comfort me.

"It's okay, Rukawa-kun absolutely loves basketball…I should've known you weren't interested in girls. I'm sorry."

"It's good that you know."

I flash a fake and pained smile.

"Please do your best in the next games! I'm sure everyone is counting one you."

He gives me a baffled look, it took quite sometime so he could register the sentences in his mind. When he did, he twitched and glared at me.

"Yeah."

So, the afternoon didn't mean anything much more than that.

I walked to home alone today.

At some point, I was seeing that maybe I would be walking alone forever.

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**Rukawa's**** POV**

I was expecting it, the captain's sister telling me how much she "loved" me. But those hazel eyes see nothing. How can she possibly love someone she knows nothing about?

Stupid little girl.

I wonder, how long had she lived in that delusional state? How long has she struggled with the allusion that I was indeed the man who chained her weak heart?

Stupid little girl.

How many years  have you looked at me, lovestruck and in awe? How long have you been oblivious to my faults and flaws?

How long have you suffered?

I don't know why I never had the chance to tell you this, but I greatly regret it.

**_I'm not perfect, there's no reason for you to look at me that way._**

Apparently, I had given her so much pain. It must've been so much because she seemed to wait and see if she would bleed.

But no blood came out when I rejected Haruko Akagi.

There's no sense in regretting it.

I won't let myself get affected by such a measly thing.

I went and stood up to get one of the free towels in the locker room.

"I need a shower."

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"I heard that you dumped Akagi's sister. Everyone's been talking about it."

Hisashi Mitsui, leaning on the cold metal lockers, looks at Shohoku's Ace with unease. Kaede on the other hand, prefers not to further complicate things and keeps quiet, ignoring the older player.

"Listen to me when I'm talking, Rukawa!"

Hisahi may have been wild amongst many others, but he was still rather strict with respect to authority. He grabs him by the collar forcing the younger, yet taller boy to look at him straight in the face. The black school uniform, crinkled.

"Do you even, know how a girl feels after that?"

Kaede shook his head.

"I don't."

The raven-haired freshman looked away, an expression of darkness and gloom pasted on his face.

"I don't understand people who claim to love me, without a single thought of who I really am."

Rukawa was perfectly human, at times he did have his emotional outbursts. The senior could remember the bloodied boy glaring at him as if cursing him to death.

That day was when Hisashi Mitsui announced he wanted the Shohoku basketball team down.

Today, he was wearing the same deadly expression.

"Didn't your parents...always say the same thing?"

"Them…telling me they love me? You must be kidding."

"Feh, you really are a cold bastard."

Rukawa would be..an empty vessel. A handsome faced doll unable to feel for anyone else but himself.

A soulless, beautiful being that walked the earth.

He was very much like, the devil.

Mitsui let out a deep breath. Haruko was lucky to be dumped.

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**Author's Notes: **Good, Bad or just plain weird? Please do leave a review. The continuation of the story depends on these reviews, so please. XD I really love Slam Dunk and so far, it has been the best sports anime' I have ever watched. I can never understand why people dislike Haruko so much…[Note: This is coming from a YAOI fan.] I can see that she's awfully sweet and well-meaning, and although she may be a little too obsessed with Rukawa I still find her cute. :3


	2. Walking Contradiction

**Azure :** Walking Contradiction

**Rating :** PG-13

**Author's Note: **Second chapter up! The Preliminary test week was whacked. I had trouble updating so…I chose to do it on the weekends. XD Which is very much today! Thank you for the wonderful support you guys have given me! Just so you people know, I'm very much a Filipino…Hello to Filipino RuHaru fans out there!! LOL.****

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**[Rukawa's POV]**

It's not that I don't know how to love; it's just that I don't want to.

I refuse to.

It's not that I've become cruel; it's just that my heart has died.

I choose to.

It's not that I want to hurt you; it's just that I want to protect myself.

I'm scared to.

I could come up with a million reasons to protect myself, blinding myself from the truth. The problem is—

I've become immune to pain.

Not being able to feel pain is the same as not being able to feel happiness. The heart becomes void and everything else follows.

I can feel my soul slowly fading away.

Today Mitsui hates me, tomorrow everyone else will.

Tch, how unfair!

All because I refuse to love?

That's crap.

It was nine o' clock in the evening when arrived home. No one was there…At least, no one from my family.

I was living in a mansion made of ice and snow.

"Kaede-sama, your food is cold."

"Please let me change into some fresh clothes before you tell me to eat."

The old woman let out a gasp, slightly offended by my sharp tongue. I was a bit upset , my words have become quite weak and soft compared to the past, where the tongue I lash out leaves a wound on somebody's heart.

Like I said, I was living in an ice mansion, a large traditional Japanese house. It was an ice mansion for everyone who lives there has forgotten how to feel.

They were, to me, no different from the wood and paper that composed it.

**I really hate coming home.**

But it's not like I have a choice.

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**[Haruko's POV]**

I can recover form this, I probably can. At least, I hope I can. Exactly how many times to I have to say it? "I can" is like a mantra inside my head.

I can!

"Ah..Ouch!"

It was the fifth time I cut myself with the kitchen knife. The freesh red blood oozing out of my wounded digit; I left the daikon radish on the chopping board, rushing to the sink. I turn on the faucet watching the crimson liquid, the strength of it's color fading as the water washes it away, right down the drain.

A squeezing force pains my chest, my heart. Memories of Rukawa-kun flood me again.

Now that I didn't have that person I always looked up to, now that I don't have that person that makes me stronger than I usually am…

…I feel like crumbling and breaking down.

**I am sinking into oblivion.  **

I kneel down the floor, and I cover my face. I cover it because the burning tears fall freely.

Mom and Dad are still at work.

Big brother is still at basketball practice. 

Matsui and Fuji aren't home.

That's probably why…I feel so alone.

"Big brother! Please come home soon!"

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"Akagi-sempai…!"

Takenori was surprised, for the first time in his entire life, Hanamichi Sakuragi had acknowledged him as his senior. In the cold night air, he faces the red headed monkey with the usual great confidence fit for Shohoku's team captain.

"I won't be able to forgive..that bastard! That Rukawa! That—asshole!"

Sakuragi cleched his fists, he had enough of playing the fool, he couldn't take it.

This was the last, final straw.

Rukawa went too far.

"Sakuragi, just to be fair, I don't place all the blame on him."

"Why not?! He's a fucking moron!"

Akagi twitched, someday…he may have to wash Sakuragi's mouth with detergent.

"Haruko may be my sister, but I'm not foolish enough to force my ace player into loving her."

"But don't you want her to be happy?"

Sakuragi was helplessly in love with the team captain's sister, more than Aota, more than anyone else. But the red-head was definitely aware of  how much the girl admired (and nearly worshipped) Shohoku's number eleven.

Sakuragi was stupid, but never selfish. He did his best in the games to impress Haruko, but never forced her to anything she didn't want. He treated her with ample admiration and respect, something very rare nowadays.

Haruko would be much happier with Sakuragi rather than Rukawa.

Akagi thought. He looked at Sakuragi again, he trusted number ten with Haruko as much as he trusts him with the rebound.

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Tomorrow would be the day that Haruko should (or would) forget about her silly highschool crush.

Just a simple, silly highschool crush.

A crush she may have mistook for her first love.

She was a presuming young girl who could never comprehend…the walking contradiction.

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**Author's Notes: ** More introspective rather than plot development, but I think this was needed for character development. Yes, watch me giggle madly. Why do I assume that Rukawa's rich? I have no idea…Why do I assume he's living in a traditional Japanese home? I have no idea…Must have something to do with his looks. Spoiled, little Japanese boy. Bah. So lovable, do you agree? Hmm…the smell of a furious Kaede get closer and closer. I was trying to be realistic to everyone's reactions, especially Akagi's he's such a nice brother, yet very smart! He's responsible and well-balanced, a very good person. Me likes Akagi….O.o;       

**Chapter Sneak Peek:** Presumptions are not to be taken seriously, just when you think it's over… fate places you into a dangerous path that may make you want to pretend you didn't see what was coming. Haruko and Rukawa's paths collide.


	3. Emptiness

**Azure:** Emptiness

**Rating:** PG-13

**Author's Note: **Third Installment up! I have a couple of supporting Original Characters but they're mainly from Rukawa's family; because I haven't seen Rukawa's family and from what I perceive nobody has so far. ****

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**Rukawa's**** POV**

"I hate you and you know it."

He always enters the room with a furious face and he stares at me when I look at him unaffected. He hates me and I know it; it doesn't have to be any more complicated, our relationship was very simple and never needed prodding; not that anyone has even bothered to.

My brother was merely a year younger but he was incredibly smart for his age.

He remained to stand by the door; perhaps he knew.

"That Haruko girl, you didn't have to be so harsh. The least you can do was to _pretend_ you felt sorry."

"I already said I was sorry."

He sighed; I knew that he had a bad habit of talking to me about these things. Somehow I felt like I was the younger one…but my ego and my mind would allow me to register that fact. He walked by my bedside and sat beside my lying form.

He giggled as he saw the small pillow that covered my face. But I didn't laugh. My hands were shaking and my chest was tightening.

"You don't want to let me to see you crying…don't you?"

I rolled to my side. I was bitter and annoyed. Of course I didn't care about the captain's sister…But when I went to my room and realized that I was alone. I felt like crying.

"You're so stubborn _oniichan_. I remember you telling me that she – looked so much like mom."

I know he's been watching my back, but I couldn't think of much a response.

"Shut up and get out, Tsubaki."

"I'll do just that if you promise to eat dinner tonight."

"I will, now get out."

I waited for the door to creak open and shut close (signifying Tsubaki's departure) as soon as possible. When I did, my body moved ever so slowly, trying to understand the conversation that just happened.

Tsubaki was just a kid, what could he possibly understand. But I thought harder again…actually…he was taking the current events at home much more maturely than I am.

After learning father's plans to remarry, all I can do is sulk. But Tsubaki can still smile.

But then maybe he was taking the situation in a different way.

If he was smiling and I was sulking, either way, we were both pretending we were content with what we had but the truth is; we're both empty black holes that destroyed anything that obstructed our paths.

Haruko was distracting me every single freaking time, I had enough in my hands with that fanclub and I couldn't possibly waste my time with a teeny bopper girl who thought that love was something so… unrealistic.

_The closer we get the more we hurt each other._

Probably why I've always pretended to hate Tsubaki, I didn't want him to love me like a brother, I didn't want to hurt him.

I'm a possessive fool. I may never be able to let go.

My stomach growled, oh yeah…dinner.

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Kogure looked curiously at Takenori Akagi while they placed their things on their respective school desks; as if demanding an answer. Akagi grunted and remained to ignore Kogure and a Mitsui peeking at the classroom door. It was only when Mitsui decided to enter the classroom and shake his desk when Akagi answered.

"She's okay, when I went home her eyes were incredibly red though, but she's over it. I hope…"

Kogure and Mitsui let out a sigh of relief.

"Actually, I was kinda thinking that Haruko would probably have revenge on Rukawa by cutting off his little peepee."

Mitsui murmured, causing Kogure to let out a loud "Pfft!" trying to control outrageous laughter erupting from his own lips, hands clamped hard at his own mouth. Mitsui on the other hand let a devilish smirk. Akagi was stopping himself from laughing too, a sign that things with Haruko were turning out for the better.

The school bell rang as it always should.

"Ah damn, I have to get to class!"

Mitsui patted Kogure on the shoulder and raised his hand at Akagi which in Mitsui terms would mean "Goodbye!"

Kogure and Takenori exchanged glances.

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"You know I think it's good that Haruko-chan is trying her hardest to get over Rukawa-san!"

"F-Fuji…"

Fuji, clasped her hands together, smiling gently like she always did.

"Haruko-chan, we were really surprised that you got that math problem right! Isn't that a sign that forgetting about him is a good thing?"

The brown-haired girl stopped for a moment to think about it. It was true though, she was able to concentrate more during class since memories of the sullen young man began to fade away. She smiled and nodded at Fuji.

"I'm sure there are a lot of other boys who like Haruko and would want to get to know her!"

"E-Eh?"

"Now is a good time to meet other people, ne? Haruko-chan?"

Haruko bit her lip, looking away from her friend. The fact was, she couldn't remember any other boy she was completely interested in.

Kaede was in fact her first love after all.

In the hallway, she stood still. A her heart is feeling pain once more, the very thought of things such as "love" and "Rukawa Kaede" hurts her up until now of course.

"Uhhm…I'm sorry Haruko….I shouldn't have talked about it."

She shook her head at Fuji, although a sad glint in her eyes could be seen, she let out her usual smile.

"No, not at all Fuji. I've forgotten all about him, that Rukawa Kaede!"

Unknown to her the boy she spoke about had heard her statement as he walked pass by without the two girls noticing.

His blood boiled and his lip quivered.

"So then—Am I so easily forgotten?"

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Author's Notes: I swear, if you review I will definitely continue…all that remains to inspire me in writing fanfics is – YOU FEEDBACK. Nothing more, nothing less. So review if you liked it and I will eternally LOVE you guys! XD


	4. Mother Complex

**Azure:** Mother Complex

**Rating:** PG-13

**Author's Note: **Thank You SO MUCH for the reviews…I want to say that although some were impatient but I'm glad you guys happen to stick with this little fanfic!

Thank You so much again! Enjoy!****

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"Mama. My hands…they hurt!"

A little boy ran to his mothers, hands bleeding. He was playing with some boys out in the neighborhood, somewhere in the park. When they all ran around and chased each other with glee. The pale ebony-haired boy accidentally tripped and his hands fell to support his weight, and thus they hit small yet sharp rocks.

Yes, it was painful. VERY painful.

He sobbed as he watched as his mother washed them with warm water, carefully wrapping those small pale hands in clean bandages.

"Mama…" he sniffed.

"Kaede, be careful next time! Okay?"

"Yes mama…."

He nodded as he felt his mother's soft hands wrapped around him.

"Be a good boy Kaede…"

"Yes mama."

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**Rukawa's**** POV**

_BEEP BEEP BEEP_

I always wake staring into a vast white empty space in my room.

The ceiling.

Last night, it was incredibly cold. I had two blankets to keep my warm. Next time I'll have to NOT wear boxers to sleep. I shifted to the side to turn off the MP3 player, I had it on all night.

I didn't bother to change into anything decent when I got downstairs, I was too hungry. Come to think of it, most of the time the thing I feel the most is my hunger.

Human instinct, I suppose?

Then she flashed into my mind. Haruko Akagi.

Damn that bitch, that little bitch. Who does she think she is? Saying something like forgetting about me…she's too arrogant.

She's not even worth my time.

My hands dug through the fridge, there must be something decent here enough to eat. Despite us having a reasonable amount of money all I see in this fridge is non-fat-all- good-healthy crap. Give me junk food,dammit.

My hands found sanctuary as I had in them a large milk chocolate bar. Yes.

"Oniichan, what are you planning today?"

There Tsubaki sat at the dinner table with a bowl of oats and a tall glass of milk, but dad, as usual was nowhere to be found. He was probably busy screwing his supposed secretary.

"What is it about today?"

"Nothing really, it's just that dad's going to bring home his pretty secretary…"

"Oh you mean the whore he's going to marry?"

Tsubaki shook his head at me. He remains indifferent to this sort of thing. I sat beside him in the table and unwrapped my chocolate.

"Seriously, I don't plan anything. Today's Saturday though, I should just go out and practice basketball and….stuff.."

"Yeah, you should get some fresh air."

He smiled and stood up. He patted me at the shoulder and left.

Weird kid, he's a far cry from the Tsubaki I used to know, that snotty crybaby, the one who always clung to me.

I remember him saying one that mother's death has caused him to change so drastically. We always have a reason to justify ourselves after all.

And I found myself all alone again.

"Am I so easily forgotten?"

Feh, even being forgotten by someone so insignificant bothers me.

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"Haruko-chan, have you eaten you breakfast?"

"Hai okaa-san!"

She beamed, deep inside she thought that despite being unlucky in love, she was at least lucky with her family and friends.

"Haruko, where are you heading anyway?"

Her father peeked his head from the newspaper (which practically covered his face) he was reading to look at her.

"Uhhm…well I felt like going out today…maybe for some exercise."

"Well that's good you've been out of shape lately Haruko-chan!"

Her mother clapped her hands together as if cheering her on. Haruko waved goodbye in her casual manner and that smile was once more worn on her face.

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**Haruko's**** POV**

I've always wanted to buy this book, it seems good. But I never had enough money.

Staring at the nice cover and having to weight it in my hands and be in awe how impressively thick it is. I can only imagine what's written inside.

It's the same with Rukawa, they say silent rivers run deep, he must me someone with so much to say but never wanted to.

"Hey! Haruko! It's that really you?"

I looked up to see Mitsui hovering above me. Strange, it seems that he's never seen me wearing casual clothes for a change. Wait—maybe he hasn't after all…we weren't very close.

"Uhm..Mitsui-sempai nice to see you here—in a bookstore of all places…"

I stammered…sometimes I say the stupidest thing.

He laughed, hands both holding unto his stomach. I could see the tears forming from the corners of his eyes JUST LAUGHING.

"I don't eat, drink and breathe basketball Haruko-chan. Besides I needed some stuff for my school project. Besides I'm not actually the type to read thick books…ne?"

I laughed nervously, I hope that didn't offend him. But somehow what he said was he…making fun of Rukawa?

"Hey, I know what'll make you fell better! How about a "date"?!"

"Ehhhhhh???"

He grabbed the book from my hands still smiling.

"Stupid. Not a romantic date..yenno…just for fun! I'll treat you to ice cream and hang out at the arcade…yenno…normal human stuff that doesn't involve R-U-K-A-W-A."

I stared in shock at his goofy expression.

"So then would you go out with me?"

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Author's Note: So what do you think? About what? The current development….what do you think? (XD Sounds like a script taken out from Neon Genesis Evangelion) Things are getting cleared up, so now you know why Rukawa is quite messed up. But there will be worse things. Anyway, this fanfic is like a shoujo manga….hahahaha! Anyway, has anybody wondered what sort of music Rukawa listens to…? J-rock has always been a bet of mine….xD


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